Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
