it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
