I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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