last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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