I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
