We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
