Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
