Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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