Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
