There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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