How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
