i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
