There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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