How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
