I think my fart just growled at me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
