I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize