his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I fill condoms, not promises.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
