Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
