he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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