If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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