I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Be still, my beating vagina.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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