Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
