She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I could fuck to npr.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize