he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
