Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
