I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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