i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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