There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I love you. Go after that dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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