how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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