so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i think im in europe. pls send help
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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