My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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