Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
