do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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