my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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