How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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