the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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