I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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