At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
