this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
