is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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