And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
