:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
