Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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