its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
