are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
