do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
