is your mom at the bar?
You work out of a Hotel?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
