I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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