I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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