I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
