Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
