So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
