woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
