If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
