i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
