Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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