My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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