So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
