She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
