i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize