He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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