WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
