I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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