you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
