you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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