His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
