and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
