It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
