I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
