forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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