She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
