You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You made out with two different species that night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
