Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
nutella sex= disaster
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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