he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
