you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
