this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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