I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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