i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
