Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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