idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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