see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
