also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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